I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
