Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
