I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
