i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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