Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
