sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
