his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
