Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
