so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
