Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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