Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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