He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
