Porn is love you can see.
she smelled like a LAN party
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
