got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
