Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
