I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize