I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
