i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
