we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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