He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
