I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
