He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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