did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We are all done wearing pants today
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
