I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
