oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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