So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
