She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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