Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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