I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize