Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
