I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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