My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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