I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize