I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
