Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
