i think my mom watched the whole time
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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