i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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