i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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