Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
