Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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