if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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