I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
