Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
