I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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