Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
