I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am naked and annoyed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
