I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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