At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
