I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
