It's just like the Real World with babies
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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