Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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