I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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