Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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