If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
