shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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