Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
