JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
