she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
