Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
