There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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