if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's like a pop up book from hell.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
