Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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