Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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