I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
