Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
