I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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