I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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