I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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