It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
