If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
