Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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