My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
