I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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