Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
