11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize