RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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