Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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