he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize