so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
