We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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