I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
