Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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