Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
