i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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