she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
