Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
