i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
