Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
