she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
