All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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